Self-Care Archives - A Lovely Inconsequence

Winter Musings

A Lovely Inconsequence — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 01:30:00 +0000

Charity begins at home…and so does kindness. When I need to make changes in myself, mostly in regards to fitness and well-being, I am far more successful when the changes become a source of pleasure and not torture. And it begins with being gentle and kind especially when my inner critic is threatening to chastise me. I reflected recently that any major changes I have made in my life I accomplished on my own. I didn’t rely on any program, facility, or guru…I charted my own course and stuck to it. And in each case, I had success. But the precipitating factor was always an abrupt unveiling of Reality which resulted in a quick departure from Denial and that is what fueled my return to well-being. A friend asked me today how we can begin a health and beauty regimen without a future event, such as a wedding or trip, as a goal. I wondered how I would do it without any particular motivation. I decided it begins with kindness and a commitment to ourselves. For me, I need to get my sleep issues under control again. Without a good night’s sleep, I eat the wrong things and I am too lethargic for exercise. And no matter what promises I make to myself, the moment I fall short, negative self-talk kicks in and I am once again on the fast track to failure. Winter is a perfect time for change. The new year brings a fresh start along with the new pretty calendars. But we have to give ourselves a chance to ramp up to the new scheme. Kindness means understanding that our path may lead us two steps forward and one step back and that the real challenge is silencing the malevolent voice within. I plan on being kinder to myself in my approach to beauty and fitness. Instead of punishing exercise, I have gone back to yoga. Instead of sleep aids, I am back to drinking frothy warm milk before bed. I know I can eat and enjoy salad for lunch and give up afternoon caffeine. If I need to indulge, I will…but then I will get back on track. All that matters is trying because trying turns into doing. And doing it with my head held high will get me there a lot faster. ~ Inconsequential Miscellany: ~I felt quite sad at the passing of Alan Rickman, one of my favorite actors. I especially loved him as Col. Brandon in Sense and Sensibility where his brown eyes held a vulnerability that belied his vigorous regimented past. And I am gladder than ever that he had the chance to get his girl at last. I never tire of watching him pace in his tall boots as he frets over his beloved Marianne. ~Storyline not withstanding, the clothes in this season’s Downton Abbey have been exquisite. I especially admire Mary’s various dressing gowns – one in a perfect Asian print of Wedgwood blue. As well, we were treated to an amazing glimpse of Mary’s skivvies as she undressed with lady’s maid Anna’s help. As her dress dropped to the floor (for poor Anna to retrieve), her luscious bralett and panties were front and center in creamy lace. A friend pondered if the internet mighten be lit up with searches for the brand. ~I recently wrote an article about upgrading one’s at-home loungewear for the cold stormy days ahead. Our model above is wearing a long cozy cashmere robe as she begins her New Year’s beauty regime. Here, I leave you with other choices to inspire (most impractical…all lovely):

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Insomnolence

A Lovely Inconsequence — Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:59:00 +0000

“I can get to sleep but I cannot stay asleep”, I told my doctor last spring. We talked about all the reasons why sleep is so important. But I already knew. And I still couldn’t sleep. My internal clock woke me in the darkest hours before dawn and there I would toss and turn for two or more hours only to fall into a blessed deep sleep just moments before my alarm sounded. Lunchtime car naps became de rigueur and helped me survive my daytime grogginess. I equipped my car with blankets, a pillow, and earplugs. While my brief nap revived me for a while, I found myself dead on my feet later at home. And then…lather…rinse…repeat – the same pattern all over again. So I was grateful when my doctor prescribed me a sleep aid. A small dose, but a central nervous system depressant nonetheless. It worked right away and my sleep began to last until the alarm went off. The mild hangover headache was worth it. But after a few weeks, on the nights I was truly exhausted, I tried to sleep without my med only to discover I couldn’t even get to sleep which was never my problem. Was I addicted? Probably. I didn’t increase my dose but a trickle of panic would set in as I saw the number of pills in the bottle dwindling. I tried to order the refill early only to discover that because it was a controlled substance, the pharmacy wouldn’t replenish until 30 days had passed. One night I found myself driving to my 24 hour pharmacy after midnight on the 30th day, knowing I wouldn’t get to sleep without my pill. I had to ask myself what I was doing. Distress really set in when my doctor’s office merged with a larger practice and it began to take days for the pharmacy to reach my doctor for another prescription. I was tormented on those pill-less nights and thought about going to my other doctor for a new script. It was all just too much. My work was suffering – I couldn’t remember certain words when I typed; I couldn’t find things. I was cranky in a “don’t even…” way. I wasn’t me. And then recently, a groups of friends and I had a lovely summer day together. Naturally sleep or the lack of, came up in our discussions. A friend who sleeps well suggested that since I am such a creature of my rituals, I should incorporate warm milk in my nighttime routine – the hope being that the tryptophan in milk would help me sleep. When I balked at drinking milk, my friend told me to buy a frother and some honey, perhaps a little nutmeg or allspice. “Turn it into a self-care ceremony”, she said. It seemed so simple. I tried it. And it worked. Just before bed, I heat up a cup of skim milk in the microwave. Swirl in a dollop of honey and then froth it carefully. I dust fragrant allspice on the top, place the mug on a small pretty tray and take it to bed. As I read a few pages of my bedside book, I sip my nocturnal potion. The spell of my pill was broken at last. I don’t know if it’s the loving ceremony or if it’s actually the tryptophan. But it doesn’t really matter. I threw my pills out last week. All thirty of them.

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Lemons into Limoncello

A Lovely Inconsequence — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 20:51:00 +0000

Many of you have written to me to ask about the book recommendation I gave one of my commenters. I love comments and I know it is difficult to leave them and so I may move to another format soon. I will let you know. I love lemons too – my grandmother’s hands always smelled of them. She used them in her iced tea, for homemade lemonade, for cleaning, hair washing. She was all about natural homecare and used lemons in a furniture polish she created too! And when we were sick, she gave us honey with lemon juice to ease our scratchy throats. I’ve mentioned that my daughter is leaving home. She’s going to be married sometime early next year. I’ve raised her alone since she was a baby. I was a single mother and was happily devoted to her. I still looked after myself but motherhood was my greatest role. Single parenting is so hard it’s almost impossible. It’s lonely, grinding, exhausting. But there are untold blessings too. My daughter and I are close – she is a dear. People will often tell me how wonderful she is. I am especially proud when I hear this from her fellow teachers (she is a special education high school teacher and they adore her). She is gifted. And when people tell me how wonderful she is, I have to admit – I had good raw material. She was born good. Except for age 4, when there were a few days I thought she might be possessed, she never gave me any trouble. She is as golden as the hair on her head! So you see, I will miss her terribly. When she’s home, she will be a guest. There will be dark nights I will return to this house and I am sure I will still see an image of a little girl at the window with a cat in her arms. Sometimes, that girl (and the cat) would come right out to the car to greet me. I will miss not having her at the nightly dinner table and I know that will be especially hard. Did I say already that I will miss her terribly??? Anyway, the book recommendation. A few weeks ago, I happened upon “Lemons Into Limoncello” by Raeleen D’Agostina Mautner, PhD. It is a quick delightful self-help book with CONCRETE suggestions and ideas for those suffering a loss based on Italian culture. The author’s beloved husband died suddenly, but the book is for any loss: job, health, home, and yes, even those of us who are or will be empty nesters (that will be me in spades). Dr. Mautner has the education to back up her advice and I love her smooth soothing tone of voice. I feel as though she is a friend. She covers everything – what to cook for just yourself, who to call, what to do, etc., etc. I will be turning to it over and over and over again. I really like this author and I think she takes you by the hand with this book, and gently leads you on into your future. Please let me know if you cannot find the book and I will help you. As for me, I am going to be strong and smile and wave as my one true love walks out the door as a resident of this house for the last time. I will consecrate and bless her and the fine young man whom I am growing to love too. He understands and I have no fear he will come between us. I am so lucky. I do have one short story to tell you though. My obstetrician, a father of 8 children, was pleased one day in the hospital to discover that I was breastfeeding. “It will give you your first lesson in letting go”, he said. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant at the time until a few months later when my daughter graduated to a bottle. Suddenly, I felt inexplicably sad and then remembered what my doctor had said. Each “graduation” in my daughter’s life has always been bittersweet for me. I loved every moment of being a mother to this girl. And I will miss her terribly. (Did I already say that???) So, limoncello it is! Who will join me?

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Book of Model Beauty

A Lovely Inconsequence — Sun, 19 May 2013 20:53:00 +0000

Aren’t these line drawings adorable? They are from “Eileen Ford’s Book of Model Beauty”. My friend Kay introduced me to the book when she brought it to my house and I borrowed it for three years. It’s not just written for models, although it contains a lot of advice for aspiring ones. It also contains good solid health and beauty advice that has stood the test of time. The first printing was 1968 and so, the illustrations reflect that time but they seem rather timeless to me. If you saw the film “Nine”, you may agree that the girl on far right resembles Kate Hudson in the movie, as they were trying to capture the 1960’s. The chapter titled “The Maturing Beauty” really interests me. In 1968, most “over-40 beauties” looked really old to me. Recently, I have been in touch with a researcher whose focus is how women over 40 dressed in the 20th century. I had an excellent subject for her in my grandmother, whom I’ve written about more than a few times in this blog. Nana’s style was chic and classic, but in my eyes, she was most certainly “old”. I will post a link to my guest piece on this researcher’s fine blog soon. What I really love is the message in this book. Beauty care doesn’t have to be done in expensive spas and salons. Most of it can be taken care of in your own home – the old fashioned way. As a teenager, I spent my beauty hours doing my own nails, hair, makeup, and more than once, put myself on a successful regimen of exercise and diet. I followed popular advice found in my mother’s magazines or books like Eileen Ford’s. Today, so many women spend a fortune on getting buffed with facials, threading, waxing, pedicures, manicures, massages, etc. And yet, with running water, a bathtub, some budget-friendly drugstore supplies, I really think we can become gorgeous right in our own homes. Constantly schlepping to a salon and trying to rearrange the family dinner hour, is not the way I want to spend my money or my time. After all, look at our cuties above. See how well-rounded they are? Gardening, dancing, and hanging the wash in the fresh air…They are do-it-yourselfers who have plenty of time to enjoy life. Self-taught self-care is fun too, and it gives you other things to think about than what silly design you want on your nails this week. So, how do you get your beauty on at home? P.S. The post about my grandmother: http://americanagefashion.com/?p=3351

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