My Brother Paul
I promised to write about my brother Paul who died suddenly three weeks ago. I tried but it was hard to capture him fully with only words. At least not yet. Maybe when the pain lessens and the tears stop, I will be able to tell you how dazzling his smile was, how intelligent he was, how funny, how always-there. Maybe then I will be able to tell you about the Christmas tree he bought to surprise my daughter and I when I came home from work on an icy cold night, exhausted with the Christmas machine bearing down on me. I will tell you then how he moved me twice in two weeks when I decided I hated my first apartment and I will also tell you how he found me the second apartment and left me a message to “pack up” and how the only thing he complained about was the number of books I had.
Yes, maybe later I will be able to tell you how when he was a little boy he was afraid of the dark and slept with me so that he wouldn’t have to walk down the shadowy hallway to his room. And I will tell you about the day my parents brought him home for the first time and we tried to give him pebbles from the garden because as children, that was all we had to give.
And I will surely tell you about the bathtub he fixed that twenty years later has still not leaked again, and how even after his grueling mail carrier job, he visited me every night the week I was sick in the hospital. I will tell you how he helped me buy every car I ever bought, researching, test driving and then haggling the price of my trade-ins. You’ll want to hear how he knew everything about everything whether it was if the new Chinese restaurant in town had finally opened or if the wharf was selling fresh lobsters this year off the boat. I’ll tell you how the last time I saw him just two days before he died when I stopped by to notarize a document for him and forgot to bring my embosser, he told me it wasn’t required anymore. I checked and he was right because he knew everything about everything, reading the news for an hour each morning with his coffee.
But I cannot tell you just yet how dear he was, how funny, how generous…how heroic at times. How he took the lead in our family – the logistics, the set-ups and became master of the staging area for our luggage on family cruises and for Christmas presents to pack in the car. I would tell you how although he didn’t believe them, he loved taIking conspiracy theories and how afflicted he was with FOMO. I would tell you about the thick Boston accent he never seemed to be able to lose. But I just can’t tell you right now…it simply hurts too much. And in the fall when the light begins to change I will miss him more. And at Christmas when I don’t receive his traditional gift certificate present with a sweet card, and at Easter, and on his birthday in May when he relished his birthday cakes like a boy. Yes, I will tell you…
Come what may, he was ours and always my little brother. And if I could only tell you, you would want him for yours too. I am so sorry…
~
http://www.thequinnfuneralhome.com/obituary/Paul-S.-Macdonald/North-Kingstown-Rhode-Island/1876402
PS: Regular posts will begin soon.
21 Comments
LA CONTESSA
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GOOD-BYE and DESCRIPTION you wrote about HIM!He was only ONE YEAR OLDER THAN ME!!I AM SO SORRY for YOUR FAMILY……………this must be DEVASTATING.We lost our immediate neighbor last week to COVID-19!She was 88 had a hole in her tummy so surgery and after they released her to a REHAB place.She got the COVID from one of the employees!!!!
TOO CLOSE TO HOME!!
KEEP THOSE MEMORIES A LIVE……….HE WILL BE THERE WATCHING ON YOUR NEXT MOVE!!!!
BIG HUG,
XX
A Lovely Inconsequence
Thank you Contessa!
stacey avelar
Please accept my deepest condolences. You have created a moving remembrance of his best qualities. I hope that you have caring family and friends to help through your grief.
Patty
Long time reader of your wonderful writing, although I have never commented before. I just want to say, from reading your description of your beloved brother, you surely were blessed to have him in your life. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Carol Trotta
Oh, he was such a wonderful brother, I so miss seeing him, especially at Christmas. It is so difficult to have had such a loss, and I am sorry you have had to bear this. Love, Carol
Elizabeth
My sympathy and condolences upon loosing your beloved brother!! I do understand. My brother was snatched from us how almost 46 years ago…by a drunk driver. I have missed him so all these years!! All we can do is go on and remember the good times and days we had!! I look forward to many more with my brother in the next life. We came from a very dysfunctional family and it tends to make for tight ties with some siblings (though not so with others I have learned).
Joan Loureiro
This is. one of your very best writings yet. You brought Paul to life. You always do seem to manage to bring forth the real character. of the person. Such a talent and I am so proud of you…Mom
Christine
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Little brothers hold such a special place in our hearts. What a moving tribute to yours. My tears fall for you, and I do hope you will in time find comfort in your wonderful memories and the love you shared.
Lori
Beautiful.
The best little brother in the world. I am so sorry.
Margaret Powling
I am an only child, but if I’d had a brother, I’d want one like Paul. May be rest in peace. I am so sad for you, Donna, so sending you virtual hugs, and boxes of virtual tissues to wipe away those tears.
Margaret P
Beth M.
I’m so sorry. My little brother is my best friend, and just the thought of this loss makes my heart clench so fiercely, I cannot imagine the pain you’re going through.
Ann G
My dear friend,
My heart hurts for you and the family. My soul sends love and comfort to each of you. I am sure Paul treasured every moment with you as well. May those memories ease your pain and bring happiness. He will forever be in your hearts. ♥️
Bruce Caissie
Yet you told us exactly how he was with your words.
Kathleen
Dear Donna,
I, too, have a younger brother. I cried in the morning, reading this. You were blessed. To say I’m sorry for your loss doesn’t seem like enough. Just sending prayers will have to due.
Sincerely, Kathleen
Cissy
Dearest Donna,
No words can express how deep my sadness is for you. You made the love you have for your brother Paul come through your post so eloquently, that I had tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart as though he were my own loving brother. Please take comfort in knowing that he lives on in you and all that you hold dear of the memories you shared together.
Peace, Love and Blessings my friend,
Cissy
Karen
Oh, Donna, I am so glad that you shared these beautiful thoughts with us. I know your heart is absolutely breaking right now, but as many will tell you I’m sure, it’s breaking because of the deep love that you had and have for your little brother. I’m praying that God is wrapping his arms of comfort and peace around you and your family right now and that after some of the pain dies down, you’ll continue to remember the beautiful things about your brother that gave you joy and will comfort you in those painful times to come. Hugs.
Grand Pam
I too cried while reading your post. Thank you for sharing Paul with us. You have been blessed to have had such a brother. May all your sweet memories surround you and please know my prayers continue.
Dana
I’m so very very sorry. I cried too reading this. You wrote about him so beautifully that I feel I know him too. Please take good care of yourself as you grieve. Know he lives on forever in your heart. My thoughts are with you.
Karen
Your stories brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sad for your tragic loss. How beautiful to have such a lovely brother and so very hard to lose him. Sending loads of love. xo karen
Ann
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. You have such wonderful memories…treasure them. It is 8 years today that my BIG brother passed away. Not suddenly, but to cancer. I was blessed to be with him when he passed, held his hand and told him my mom and sister were waiting for him. I have wonderful memories…I know yours will bring you comfort when the pain subsides. Blessings to you.
Sharon
Donna, first, so sorry for the loss of your brother, Paul. My condolences to your entire family. Your tribute to your beloved brother ripped at my heart and brought an ache to my soul. I lost one of my brothers many years ago. My arms are wrapped around you with a big hug.
You and Deb love so deeply and I know what family means to you. Please give your mom my condolences, I’m sure she is devastated. May you find peace with the wonderful memories you possess regarding Paul, and the wonderful times you spent with him.