My Eyes Adored Her
I once read that a baby girl is born looking into her mother’s eyes and never looks away. That stayed with me because I believe nothing is truer.
My mother died on December 11th. In our last conversation, she whispered “Go for it”. When I leaned closer and asked her what I should “go for”, she told me to go after whatever it is that I love. It doesn’t astonish me that my mother’s final words came in the form of advice – nobody wants for you more than your mother. And she was always a mother first, above any other role she had in her life.
To write a compilation of my mother would take days. Even now as I grieve, my thoughts jumble over each other with waves of forgotten memories of all her different selves. She was my glamorous Mommy who exited the house on Saturday evenings with wisps of perfume trailing behind her and blotted tissues of coral lipstick abandoned on her dresser. She was a fearsome mama bear who marched into the principal’s office the afternoon an accusation was wrongly leveled on my head. She kicked a cruel boyfriend out of the living room one night because she said “I won’t come home to see my daughter crying again”. She fought the school board to get us on the bus route to elementary school. She was tough as nails and yet, at times, as fragile as a teacup.
She wept real tears for anything mistreated, human or animal. Her voice was loudest for the underdog. Her heart broke when we were hurt and kept a mental tally of who did it. If that name came up in conversation, my mother reminded us with renewed disgust how that person had hurt one of her litter. She was the holder of all our stories and kept them close for over 50 years.
At times, my mother seemed a lovely mystery. She was so smart and we often said that she should have been a lawyer and then we quickly followed it up with “But I wouldn’t want you on the other side in court”. She spotted legal issues with every transaction we made whether buying a house or putting one of her grandchildren into swim lessons.
I will miss her malapropisms – “POT-pory” instead of potpourri, “zip” instead of sip, “very-zon” instead of Verizon. Also, her old-fashioned expressions, “Aren’t you the early bird”, “Crazy like a fox”, “Kick up your heels”, “A pox on him”, and so many more.
And being the daughter of a beautiful woman, I cannot overstate how often I was told “You’re mother is so pretty, so beautiful, so adorable, etc., etc.” Just a month ago, I took her shopping for eyeglasses and the store assistant said, “They all look good on you! You’re gorgeous!”. Later the clerk told me, “Your mother must have been breathtaking”. She was breathtaking and beautiful, highly intelligent, witty, loyal to a fault, stylish, engaging, complex, strong but delicate and I have never been able to take my eyes off her.
As for her eyes – they were the darkest I’ve ever known. Sharp and firey when angry and melting and soft when delighted. From behind those eyes came intuitive wisdom, shrewd street-smarts and an intrinsic allegiance to her God and to her family. Simply put, my own eyes adored her…
And I will miss her terribly.
13 Comments
Elizabeth
So sorry you lost your amazing mom. Mine was quite different yet some things you write would describe her too. Very well written blog entry and I much enjoyed it. I lost my mom in 2001…we never get over missing them.
Robyn S
I lost my precious mother a year ago, and can so relate to this beautiful tribute to your mother. How blessed we are to have had women of such caliber in our lives! I just found your blog, and you write so beautifully!
Margaret Powling
So sad to hear of your loss, Donna, but it would be even sadder – if you understand my meaning – if you weren’t sad, it shows how much your mother was loved. I still miss my mother, who died 21 years ago. But I can remember her now without weeping, it ill happen, give it time.
Margaret P
Belva Jennings
Sincerest condolences for your loss. I, too, lost my mother in 2021 and it’s as if I’ve lost the most precious part of my past.
What a lovely tribute you gave your mother. She raised a woman to be proud of.
Dana
I’m very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. I can feel your mother’s essence through your beautiful words. You are so lucky to have been loved by her, and she was so lucky to have you as a daughter.
LA CONTESSA
THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL TO READ DONNA!HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE FOR YOU TO WRITE?
I WOULD IMAGINE IT JUST FLEW OUT AND THERE WAS VERY LITTLE EDITING!!
MY MOTHERS LAST WORDS WERE “PLEASE LET ME GET UP!”
SHE WASNOT A GOD LOVING PERSON SO I WAS CONFUSED IF SHE MEANT OFF THE BED OR TAKE ME NOW!
I LOVED THIS………….THANK YOU FOR TELLING US ABOUT HER!
XXX
Ann
What a beautiful tribute to your mother and your relationship! You were SO blessed to have her for your mother…not everyone gets that. Praying for you for peace and comfort as you go forward with wonderful memories of you mother. Blessings.
Denise
So sorry for your loss. You were so lucky to have such a wonderful mum.
Lori Slingerland
May you find comfort in your memories, my sincere condolences.
Marleah
Beautifully written.
Such a special and close bond never to be repeated.
She sounded amazing and interesting in every way.
Lovely.
Take care,
Marleah
Lori
What a beautiful tribute. I am sorry for your loss.
Bruce William Caissie
Once again you found the right written words to express….
Karen
And from all you’ve told me and all I know about her, her eyes adored you too. This is a beautiful tribute to a remarkable woman, and the apple hasn’t fallen too far from the tree my friend! Prayers for your sorrow and for sweet heavenly comfort as you grieve.