The Face Reflected
And I would add, “or the one who loves you”? Mona has a secret in her smile. So do I. That is, if you could see my smile. Most of you don’t know what I look like…and all these years, I have rather liked it that way.
You see, I believe I photograph terribly. To me, I am best experienced in person. That way, you can see the glint of my blond head in the sun and my skin in candlelight, inhale my subtle perfume, and let me smile my interested and welcoming smile at you. In nearly every picture of myself, now and even “back then”, I only see my flaws: skin takes on a pasty hue, a slightly lopsided goofy smile and my eyes – oh my eyes, which I have been told are the best part of me – are fast disappearing behind un-sculptured-by-a-knife lids. Or perhaps I really am not pretty. Or maybe I’m just terribly, terribly vain… It could also be the near-perfect beauty that is captured these days on social media. I mean, how do they do it??? And some are my age.
A few years back, a young mother who was slightly larger than she wanted to be, made a statement about selfies and how she never wanted to be in any. Her post went viral and started a discussion because she also attested that she discovered that by avoiding the camera, she was actually denying her little daughter the chance to see her in years to come and most importantly, after she is gone. It struck home but still, you wouldn’t find me jumping in front of anybody’s selfie stick. I trundled along just fine, un-reproduced, holding my hands over my face whenever anyone came near me with a camera lens or doing a full-on body block with any opportunistic photographer.
And then I really went to home plate…my daughter wanted some pictures of me holding her newborn – my first grandchild, in my arms. There was no way to get out of it and suddenly, I didn’t want to. What’s more, I felt my daughter should be free to take as many shots of me as she desired without my fussing about whether I had lipstick on, was wearing a decent outfit, or my hair was combed. But it was hard…I did it though – for my child and for my grandchild who will one day, no doubt, want to see pictures of her grandmother first holding her. She may also want to see me in some of my younger photographs and if that’s so, my hope is that she will notice the place from whence she came – in all those goofy lopsided grins and those now-fading but loving eyes. It is getting easier…
And yet, I haven’t shared any photos with you. And you may want to know, that soon I must! The reason is that a book I contributed to is about to published and I am being ordered to submit a recent professional photo for the publisher, the blog, and for marketing material. The photographer has been called in. Can I ask for PhotoShop please?
So as the rabbit in the children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit, is loved into existence, perhaps our true beauty comes alive in the eyes of those who cherish us the most. And maybe that’s the lens that really counts. Love gives us courage in so many ways…
It would have been perfect to end this post with that lovely new photo of brave me but alas, you will have to wait. I don’t have my lipstick on just yet. But soon, readers, soon…
8 Comments
Swami Ratnamurti Saraswati
I so understand this. I have some really unflattering photos of me which have been posted on facebook. So depressing. And being a blogger, one opens up quite intimately, so that sort of thing makes it worse. I love your blog, it is beautiful. So I do know that you are, too.
Dana L.
You write with such warmth, grace, and elegance hat I am certain it shines through in your appearance as well. I was just reminded of that Judge Judy line- beauty fades but stupid stays! You not only have an intelligent mind but also an intelligent spirit and I cannot wait to hear more about this upcoming book. By the way- is that a photo of you here on your blog wearing a headscarf? I have often wandered….
Cissy Foster
Donna,
What is beauty? Is it what we see in the mirror, or is what is inside of us? I see myself as a very short, very overweight, aging woman in her 60's. But through my families eyes, they see a loving wife, a tender and caring mother, and a giving mother-in-love.
I too hate the camera, always turning my head or hiding behind someone or something to avoid the dreaded photograph. But now, thanks to you, I will submit myself to being photographed so that there will be memories of what I looked like when I am gone. Although I know that in their hearts, I will always exist.
Thanks again, Donna, for this timely letter (as I consider all your articles to be letters to your dear friends). Make sure you get a generational photograph, as this will be lovely for your granddaughter to show to her own children and grandchildren of the Lovely grandmother she once had.
~ Blessings ~
Dewena
Ah, while reading this I kept thinking–yes, she writes this but the coming photograph will reveal what a beautiful woman she actually is, while I shun selfies and photographs now because I truly am ugly. But then I read comments above mine and exhaled, remembering that I am loved by my family and friends and most of the time I'm smiling at myself when I glance at a mirror.
You show such beauty here, both in the pictures you choose and your gorgeous writing that I always know a treat is ahead when I see you have a new post ready. Today you expressed perfectly the reason I lose my camera shyness when my 6 year old and 3 year old granddaughters are in the shot with me.
I am so excited to know that there will be a book soon with more of your exquisite writing!
Dewena
P.S. I just followed you on IG and FB where I'm known by the name my son set me up under, Mimi Defee–what my granddaughters call me. Now I'll have more of your "lovely inconsequences" delivered to me!
jlynn
I think you are beautiful.
Rainbowsandglories
Donna, I sense a heart full of love & my guess is that it makes your face radiant & beautiful.
I am thrilled we will get to see your image along with your evocative, tender writing.
I think I am plain & ordinary in appearance but I have a joyfilled heart & an exuberant spirit. I have reached my 60s & now find it easy to ignore external appearance pressure. I dress to please myself, taking pleasure in beautiful fabrics & well fitting clothes. My laugh lines & mouth creases are remembrances of all the wonderful days I have shared with those I love.
Karen
I predict that your professional portrait will reveal to you just how lovely you are, dear Donna. Readers, I know this woman and have for years, and she is altogether lovely, in form, face, and heart. I have personally seen younger men literally STOP and TURN AROUND to LOOK AT HER with that "hey, baby!!!" expression as she's driving by. So, enough of this nonsense about not being pretty anymore.
Now, stand by for more ranting: Why do genuinely beautiful women (like you) yield any ground to the idea that the ideal of beauty is the typically (boring and uniform) unlikely, retouched magazine models–these more-than-human delusions who are constantly shoved in our faces by social media of all kinds?? These are impossible, all-pervasive, faked, artificial beauty (created on computer screens by marketing manipulators, who thrive on the uncertainty they've created, then laugh all the way to the bank because we scramble for the product that will make us look like THAT) and we are buying into this ridiculous idea that only very youthful, improbably busty, enhanced Barbie-types are beautiful!
Did you think YOUR grandmother was ugly? Of course not. And I'd be willing to bet that she had crepe-y eyelids, a sagging bustline, and plenty of lovely wrinkles–because she was a human female of a certain age and gravity always wins! Let's stop the madness of believing that ONLY women who look "closeup" perfect 24/7 are really beautiful and start embracing and enjoying our lives, uncrippled by these notions. You're beautiful, but yes, you're not 16 anymore. Thank GOD for that! let's realize that different life stages have different beauty and those poor ladies who chase after looking 20-something when they're 70-something are usually more to be pitied than admired. How about loving yourself and seeing yourself as your little granddaughter will–as a loving, wonderful grandmother who has a deep-hearted beauty that time can only enhance! Now, put on some lipstick and smile, Gorgeous!!!